Memories

I visited Erin, Tyler and Jaden tonight for a couple of hours (I am not ignoring Jeff--he was at work). We had dinner and then just played with the boys. They showed me their new bunkbeds, and we played monster truck crash (or some such thing). Then Erin played their beautiful new piano for me. I was struck by how beautiful and rich it sounded. Maybe it was the echo because the living room is still empty, but it was gorgeous. She played a couple of songs from Les Miserables, and then started playing something from Phantom. It was beautiful, and I was enjoying it. Then I asked her, "Did you buy that book?" (of sheet music). She answered that no, it had been something Jessica used to play.

All of a sudden, and without warning, my eyes were full of tears and I was actually crying (luckily the boys were playing upstairs by then). It just came back to me in such a rush, that yes, Jessica did used to play that very music. Within just a few seconds, everything that she has lost flashed through my mind. It was really quite overwhelming, and definitely surprising. It has been years since I've felt that, at least like that, so intensely. It has been over 13 years since her stroke; I think that I'm used to it. I pretty much don't think about it any more, most of the time, and would say that I'm used to Jessica--as she is now.

But I guess it is there, always, just under the surface, ready to bubble up and surprise me. It makes me feel guilty that I kind of think of her as who she is now, and not who she was, because who she was is the real Jessica (the good and the bad). No one else seems to really know or remember that, it seems, and I feel that I should--that someone should, and that should be me. I know there are no real rules about this kind of thing, but it just feels that at least her mother should remember who she is. Maybe the reason I cried was because I realized that sometimes I forget, and I don't think I should. I don't know.

Scrapbooking, Part Deux

So, as planned, Alice and I went to the Scrapbook Expo at the O.C. Fairgrounds in Costa Mesa today. It was open from 8:00 a.m. to 11:30 p.m., although we were pretty much done—and done in—by 2:30 or so. We could have attended workshops and crops, but all we really wanted to do was wander through the two exhibit halls and browse, and maybe shop a little.

(Just a note—we didn’t pay $40 for our tickets, as shown in the picture; just $8 to get in when you don’t go for the all-day crops or workshops. I guess I just feel the need to explain that I’m not all that obsessed!)

So, somewhere along the way, and fairly early on (like by the second booth), our plan changed from mostly browsing to mostly shopping. It seemed that almost every booth we went to had some new and exciting item that was just “so CUTE!” That’s the word you hear most at these things, as in “Oooooh, Alice, look at this—it’s so CUTE!” But it was true, darn it.

I’m constantly amazed at the sheer numbers of new and creative things that people dream up to sell to us scrapbookers. I love going to these events, at least partly, just to see what’s new. Apparently I’m not the only one, as there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of us in the exhibit halls today—it was packed!


I, for one, am a sucker for cardstock and scrapbook papers—plains, patterns, prints, florals, seasonal, baby, paisley, heritage, funky. You name it, I love it! So even though I have more paper than I could ever reasonably expect to use in my lifetime, I did buy some more. This is pretty much my haul from today. Oh yeah--I also ordered an electronic cutting machine that I've had my eye on for, literally, years: the Cricut. I can't wait to get it in my hot little hands; I was told it would ship in a few days, so hopefully will be here by next weekend. I guess this means that the new Kindle I've been coveting on Amazon.com has to wait a few more months. Oh well.



I especially love a most versatile set of stamps that I bought today. I can see hundreds of uses for it. (It helped, immensely, that many of these uses were displayed on the wall of the booth where I bought it.) I generally need to copy my ideas (proves my claim that I'm definitely not innately creative); I loved it that lots of ideas were laid out for me today. This bare tree stamp lends itself to so many different uses, and I'm anxious to try some of them out. As I said in my last post, one of the reasons I wanted to go to the expo today was to get re-invigorated and enthused about scrapbooking again, to get moving on some projects I've had in mind for a long time. I'd say it was a success--I'm ready to go!

So, we had a great time, enjoyed the opportunity to indulge our hobby/obsession, and spend some relaxing time together talking and laughing. It's always rewarding to share with a friend--thanks, Alice!

Addendum 2/16: I had to add this. Alice reminded me at work today about the funniest thing that happened at the expo. Early in the day, we went to pay for a purchase, and the young woman taking our money looked at us and smiled sweetly. Then she said, "Two cute sisters." I realized, with sort of a shock, that she was talking about US! Now, this was wrong on so many levels. Yes, there were two of us--I'll give her that. But "cute," I don't think so. And sisters, come on... Other than both of us being old, we don't look a bit alike. Where did she get that idea? Then I realized that perhaps to someone as young as she is, maybe all old people look alike. You know, the old "they all look alike to me" phenomenon. Maybe? So, the rest of the day, we kept referring to each other as "Sistah."

Scrapbooking

I've thought a lot about scrapbooking lately. The operative word here, unfortunately, is thought. I never seem to have time to actually do it anymore. When I used to work 12 hour shifts, I had four days off every week, and would be able to find time at least once a week. But since I've been working 5 days a week for the last almost 5 years, I never seem to have free time. Saturday is taken up with more chores than I can possibly accomplish, so I'm unable to take 3-4 hours out of that day for a hobby, while leaving more important things undone. Sunday is church, and catching up on lots of small projects. And then, before I know or am ready for it, Monday's here and the week starts all over. I never seem to have time, or more importantly, energy, on weeknights. At least not enough to do much more than the basic, essential stuff, and then fall into bed. I have tried scrapbooking on weeknights, and that does not work for me at all. Mainly because when I'm in the middle of a project I just don't get tired--I will just keep going until 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. Now that absolutely does not work, because the morning alarm does not, sadly, accommodate itself to the time I finally got to sleep. After three or four hours of sleep, I'm just not ready to face most weekdays. So, long ago I decided never to scrapbook on weeknights. That works for me as far as getting enough sleep, but it doesn't get any scrapbooking done. I really miss it, though; it was relaxing and immensely rewarding.

I've always said that the appeal of scrapbooking for me is that it lets me feel creative when I know I am not (but so want to be); I love that. I still hang on to all of my supplies (and believe me, there's a ton of them), in the hopes that when and if I ever am actually able to retire, I'll have endless free days, many of which I hope to devote to this highly addictive hobby. Lately I tell people, when they ask if I have any hobbies, "I used to scrapbook, but now I just buy and collect scrapbooking supplies!" If I never purchased another item, I could probably scrapbook for several years and not run out of supplies.

Having said all this, now comes this confession: I'm going with my friend Alice to the Scrapbook Expo in Orange County next weekend. No doubt I'll buy more stuff, because I absolutely cannot resist the clever new items they keep coming up with. My only concession to any kind of restraint is that I will take a set amount of cash (okay, amount still to be determined) and won't spend any more than that. Whenever I attend one of these events, I get excited and feel so motivated to get going again. So, I'm going to hope that it does that for me this weekend, and that I can find some way to actually get going on some projects I've been thinking about for awhile, a long while.